Today is Jonas's first day of first grade.
Having been a first grade teacher, you would think that I would know what to expect and feel comfortable with sending him off to school, especially a looooong summer of trips and outings and legos and movies and parks and fun and boredom.
Then why do I feel so nervous?
As soon as we left Jonas at school this morning, my mind flooded with thoughts of fear and anxiety.
What if he gets in trouble on the first day of school?
What if he loses his lunchbox?
What if he doesn't make any friends??
What if he's forgotten how to read???
On and on....
Very few of these thoughts are grounded in reality or truth. I know this. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that putting Jonas out there, in a classroom, in a school, in which I have little to no control over his behavior and actions and his environment... well, that's pretty scary.
Then God helped me to remember that he is great-- so I don't have to be in control. He is great; he is sovereignly orchestrating everything to be the way that he wants it to be. Even Jonas's actions at school and his first grade teacher and the little friends who are in his class... all of those things are part of God's big and beautiful plan for not only Jonas and me and our family, but for his glory and for the world. Somehow, I forget that my God controls not only the things of our little ol' life here in Alameda, but everywhere in the world, for billions of people.
I am thankful that I will have to cling to this truth everyday as I send off Jonas, then Penny, and then Emma to school each day. That God is truly great and so I don't have to be in control... in fact, thank you God that I'm not in control! Cause I don't know how things would end up if it were really me running the show.